Betrayal

It is highly likely that at some stage during your life you have experienced betrayal, maybe even more than once or twice. I have experienced three different kinds of betrayal and I’ll give simple random examples to explain each one. The first is when someone has betrayed your trust by doing something, which you won’t approve of, behind your back. For example cheating on you or abusing your finances. The second is when you feel betrayed because someone did something which you did not expect or even approve of. This does not mean that the other person actually did something wrong, but only that their actions left you feeling betrayed. For example when two of your friends go out and don’t invite you. What they did is not wrong, but you might feel betrayed because they did not invite you. The third one happens really often but many people don’t even recognise it as betrayal. This is when you betray yourself. Betrayal can be when you have an expectation of someone and they let you down and this person can even be yourself. For example a friend of yours is being mocked in a conversation, you expect yourself to stand up for the person, but instead you just keep quiet. You have betrayed yourself. Afterwards you will probably even feel the need to justify why you did not stand up for the friend.

In all the above mentioned examples the feeling of betrayal will be present. Feeling betrayed can be one of the hardest emotions to process and almost always results in anger. When we do not deal with an underlying emotion (betrayal), another emotion (mostly anger) rises to the occasion depending on your personality. We often display anger when we feel hurt, vulnerable and experience emotional pain.

If betrayal is not dealt with, it can grow into an ugly emotion called bitterness or resentment. This is so dangerous, because it will damage your heart and other relationships even if the person is not in the picture anymore. Someone with bitterness or resentment in their heart will struggle to experience joy and love fully and might start believing that the world is “out to get them”. Thus it is definitely in your own interest to deal with the emotion properly.

The key to dealing with betrayal is forgiveness, but you might need a few steps before you get there and the time frame will be different depending on the type of betrayal. So how do we start the healing process? Validating the emotion of betrayal is a good start, admit to yourself that you feel betrayed and hurt. Talk about the situation, if you cannot speak with the other person involved then speak to a trusted friend. The most important thing is that you start dealing with the emotion.

If the person is still in your life, it is important to start building the trust that was broken again. It is definitely not impossible, but it is a journey and forgiveness is crucial. You cannot have a healthy relationship with someone if there is unforgiveness in your heart. Forgiveness is often a decision and you have to act on it even if you don’t feel like it. Ask God to help you forgive, even if you feel like you can’t. He can open your heart again and heal the wound. Your emotions will eventually catch on and follow your heart and mind’s decision to forgive. During betrayal the wall of a relationship cracks and it needs to be rebuild in places. Keep your focus on rebuilding the wall with forgiveness and this will stop the wall from cracking through to the foundations.

Forgiveness is so worth it! Not just for you, but also to free the person on the other end, especially if that person is you! We so often forget to forgive ourselves and show ourselves the kindness and grace that we deserve. Even if you think that you do not deserve forgiveness, it’s a lie. You deserve it because you have the righteousness of Christ and Jesus has already paid the price for anything that you will ever do wrong. Beating yourself up would nullify the price that He’s already paid and steal your joy.

Free yourself today by forgiving and if you struggle, just ask God for help. You do not deserve to walk around with a wounded heart. Rather choose the path of healing and growth and fill your heart with all that is good. The bible says that whom the Son has set free, is free indeed! Don’t let anything take that freedom from you!

Picture credit: Pinterest

Warning lights

Often, too often, we allow emotions to cripple us. Emotions should warn us, but not control us. Too often our emotions become the problem because we don't ask the correct questions: "where does the emotion come from? Or why do I feel this way?"

I have heard the expression many times that an emotion is like a warning light on the dashboard of your car. It goes on when something internal is wrong. In that moment we have two choices, break the light and ignore the problem or investigate the problem. The thing is, that sometimes the little light is scary, especially if we don't know where the problem lies, how deep it is, how long it is going to take to sort out or how much it will cost you.

Let's say that your "dashboard" shows a light of irritation, you may stop to think and realise that you are just hungry and it's pretty easy to solve or you might realise that it's something about someone else that irritates you and you might need to dig a bit deeper to find out where the irritation is coming from and why it is affecting you so much. Or you might notice your irritation, but have absolutely no idea what the underlying problem is. Don't worry! If God has revealed an emotion to you, then you are totally capable of dealing with it. Take some time out, even if it is just 10 minutes and just sit with Him and ask Him where the emotion is coming from. Sometimes something as simple as irritation can be underlying fear or sadness which can easily turn into frustration or anger if not acknowledged and dealt with.

Emotion should not scare us, it should rather guide us to become more self aware so that we can manage ourselves better and always be filled with joy. Be bold today and don't be scared to look at what is lying under the emotion. Sit with God and ask Him to reveal what you are ready to deal with and allow Him to help you through it. Nothing is impossible for Him!

Picture credit: Hdwallpapersin

What is the condition of your heart?

What is the condition of your heart? If you had to draw a picture of your heart, what would it look like? When I met Jesus years ago, I underwent a radical transformation. I remember seeing my heart depicted as a house, it looked like one of those deserted, wooden houses standing in a field with a big tree next to it. As Jesus invaded my heart it turned into a beautiful glass house. He opened every window, old door, cupboard and spring cleaned so thoroughly that there was no darkness or weed to be found. I felt as if my heart was made out of glass and that there was nothing hidden and that I can stand in front of Him and He can see through me. I was hiding nothing and nothing was holding me back.

It is our responsibility to keep our hearts in that condition. We need to be careful what we allow into our hearts. I can immediately feel when anger, bitterness, resentment, hatred, unforgiveness, offence etc. try and worm its way into my heart. It’s like a rotten egg thrown at my window and I just know that there is something unpleasant going on. If you don’t realise it immediately then it might happen over a few days, you start feeling less peaceful and more irritable and the condition worsens the longer we take to deal with it.

The problem with the emotions mentioned above is that they take up space in our hearts, the space which love used to fill and this makes us feel drained, burdened and irritable. Your glass house now has weeds growing out the window and this is embarrassing, so you just withdraw because of shame and anger towards others. And if the weeds are not dealt with, our hearts close up, the glass turns to wood and we design walls to keep others out, mostly because we are angry at the world, vulnerable and ashamed of our pain. The worst thing is that we don’t just keep people out, but we also keep the love of God out and then our hearts can grow hard.

If you find yourself in this situation, whether there is a small weed growing or whether your house is completely closed with extra barbed wire around the wall and a big “keep out” sign out front, it does not matter to God. Nothing is impossible for Him and there is no heart that He cannot heal. God is more than capable to deal with any issues that you might have. All you need to do is allow Him to enter.

Often we already know what we have allowed into our hearts, especially if it’s something small, but sometimes it can be years of brokenness, hurt and rejection and these things will take time. Remember that He is gentle and kind and that He operates in love. He knows how fast He can clean and what you can and cannot handle. He works at your pace, slowly pulling out weeds and replacing them with love.

I’m not encouraging you to go on a journey of introspection and to find issues in yourself, but rather take the things that you do know of or the things that are bothering you and sit with the Holy Spirit and ask Him to show you how to deal with them and to fill your heart with love. God is taking us from glory to glory on this wonderful journey with Him. Do not be anxious because of where you are at in your journey, but know that if you hold His hand you will always reach your intended destination.

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Ps 51:10

“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” 2 Cor 3:18

“Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!” Psalm 139:23-24

Photo credit: favim

Grow love not war

Picture credit: friendburst

“Again he began to teach beside the sea. And a very large crowd gathered about him, so that he got into a boat and sat in it on the sea, and the whole crowd was beside the sea on the land. And he was teaching them many things in parables, and in his teaching he said to them: “Listen! A sower went out to sow. And as he sowed, some seed fell along the path, and the birds came and devoured it. Other seed fell on rocky ground, where it did not have much soil, and immediately it sprang up, since it had no depth of soil. And when the sun rose, it was scorched, and since it had no root, it withered away. Other seed fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no grain. And other seeds fell into good soil and produced grain, growing up and increasing and yielding thirtyfold and sixtyfold and a hundredfold.” And he said, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear.” Mark 4:1-9

It is our responsibility to keep our hearts open to God, always ensuring that there is good soil for His words to fall on and take root. The smallest things can hinder us from receiving His words and can make our hearts hard, whether we intend to do it or not. Unforgiveness, resentment, offence, anger, bitterness, anxiousness etc. are examples of seeds which Satan sows and if it takes root in our hearts, can choke the good seeds and steel the good soil. We are the ones who give power to these emotions or weeds as illustrated here and harbouring them is our choice.

I do understand that maybe great injustice has been done to you and forgiving someone for their harsh words or abusive actions might by very difficult, but God does not expect us to do this alone. We can ask Him to help us forgive, even though we struggle, all we need to be is willing to forgive. It is so dangerous to harbour unforgiveness as it breeds hurt, bitterness, contempt and often results in anger.  

When we are angry, the last thing we feel like is being vulnerable or lovable. We put our defences up, harden ourselves and we get ready to fight. Sometimes we just see red and there’s no space for reason. So now you can imagine, God is love. How does He fit into that picture? He doesn’t. When we reach that state, we inadvertently say that I’m here to take revenge and I want justice and someone needs to pay for the way I feel. At that moment we cut God out and our emotions take over and what follows thereafter can only lead to destruction of self and others. Afterwards when our emotions clam down, the last thing we feel is a sense of relief or joy, but rather increased hurt, emptiness and probably remorse.

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” Eph 4:26-27

When we try and punish someone for the wrong they have done towards us, we end up punishing ourselves more, especially when it involves people close to us. As with all of the lies of the devil, revenge is just another attractive door with a graveyard behind it. Let’s ask God to help us today, to rather choose love and to learn to let go of past things that are dragging us down and keeping our hearts hard. Let’s remove every weed to allow for more space and good soil for God’s words to take root and grow in our hearts and His peace will reign in our hearts.

“He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” Col 1:13-14

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” Col 3:12-15

The world is wide open - Jason Upton - SUCH a powerful song!

Warning signs...

Photo credit: vi.sualize

Have you ever wondered why you can be so impatient in a shop, queue, in traffic or just in general? Or why you so easily snap at nothing and for no apparent reason. Symptoms like these should not be ignored, it should waive a little red flag indicating that something, somewhere is bothering us.

Jesus is the perfect example of peace and patience, He still became angry at certain times, but his anger was always righteous and related to injustice for example in Matt 21:12-14 “Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it a ‘den of robbers.’” The blind and the lame came to him at the temple, and he healed them.”

Remember that in those days people would bring animals or doves to the temple as offerings to atone for their sins, but instead of serving the poor people coming to the temple with prayer and counselling, the priests or teachers were selling animals at inflated prices, making themselves rich and this angered Jesus as His people were being taken advantage of.

I know when something is bothering me or draining me and I know that if I don't deal with the issue with God then it would lead to all of the above. If I notice one of those symptoms pop out in my daily life, I take time out, sit with God and ask Him to reveal to me what is bothering me deep down. Sometimes the answer is quite obvious and relates to something that recently happened, but sometimes an issue can get so hidden that we are not even aware of it anymore, but the symptoms still remain.

Anger or frustration never inspire or positively motivate us, they always lead us to a feeling of shame, guilt or just sadness, emptiness or depression. Whatever you want to call it, the fact is that it drains us from our joy and peace.

This is not the way Jesus wants us to live. He has come to set us free forever and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. Non-believers often don’t understand me when I say that I'm freer now than I've ever been. This is because they see God as a set of rules and not as a best friend and counsellor. I really can't blame them as there have been so many misrepresentations made about God, by churches, all over the world and people trying to control and manipulate for their own gain.

Nonetheless my point still stands. Jesus has set me free from the bondages that this world and life have placed on me. He has set me free from the anger, hurt, resentment, offence, condemnation and rejection in my own heart, which leaves me at a place where I am secure, free to forgive, free to live life and free to love freely like Him without wounds from the past or any conditions holding me back.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Cor 13:17

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Gal 5:1

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36

Emotional pain: Ouch, it hurts..

I have never really dealt with death in my life as I have never lost someone that I immensely loved and cared for. I have been very fortunate so far, but I know inevitably it will happen and when that happens then maybe I'll rewrite this post. But for now I will talk about what I do know about.

Pain, emotional pain. The pain that makes you fall on the floor crying so hard that you think your insides are going to fall out. You feel like something inside broke beyond restoration and it hurts, it hurts so much and it's just so raw and so sore. Your heart is breaking, you feel betrayed, rejected, discouraged and you have no idea how you will move on beyond this point.

In that moment just cry out to God, just simply cry out, tell Him how you feel, how much it hurts and how angry you are. Scream if necessary and ask Him "why?" as many times as you'd like. He wants to hear from you, He loves you and He's not judging you. He knows how you feel and He wants you to be honest with Him about what's in your heart. He knows what is in your heart already, so just tell Him the truth in all harshness. He can deal with it. He wants to comfort you and He wants to give you peace and rest. Pain is relative, everybody reacts differently to situations and just because your pain might look less important in relation to pain in the world, does not mean that it’s not important. What’s important to you, is important to God.

"He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

I want to let you know that you will make it through, that you are not alone and that your heart can heal. You might have a scar, but no wound. Nothing missing and nothing broken. It is so important that you speak about your heartache. Do not bottle it up and deal with it alone. You will be surprised how many people there are who have suffered in the same way and who is willing to walk this road with you. Do not be ashamed and do not isolate yourself. Satan will do anything to keep you hurting. He will convince you that people don't care, that they are too busy or that they think you are pathetic. Do not believe his lies. You are not alone!

If your hurt relates to a loved one: You will never forget your loved one or the time you spent together, but don't let this pain dictate the basis for future happiness, friendships or relationships. It will if you do not let the wound heal properly. Jesus is the great comforter and there is no wound that He cannot heal. We must only be willing and He will do the rest. Take a step towards this journey with Him, even if it means going back a few years to the origin of the hurt, just take a small step and He will lead you in the most beautiful way.

Also:

1. Cry, a lot, as much as you want to and need to.

2. Rest, give yourself a break and look after yourself.

3. Eat, every food that you love.

Enter into God's rest and remember that you are incredibly loved by the One who holds the universe in His hands.

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book? Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call. This I know, because God is for me. In God whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Psalm 56:8-11

Is that a cactus I see?

Photo credit: captainkimo

Sometimes we reach a place of discouragement, even a little depression or laziness. Often we don’t even have a good reason to feel down, we just have that feeling, that feeling of general averageness. It’s when you know that you can be driving in 5th gear, but you seem to just be stuck in 1st for no apparent reason. I think I hate the feeling of averageness so much, because I know that I wasn’t meant to be average. Every moment of the day I want to overflow with joy and love.

Jesus says: “Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” That is what I want, life to flow out of me every moment of the day. There is no reason why we have to settle for anything less. Jesus says: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

Every day Satan will try and steal from you. It starts off with a small lie which we believe and then snowballs into a negative feeling which can be very destructive. This can really be anything from “you know they don’t appreciate you at work”, “she really doesn't care about you” to "you didn't deserve such treatment, you need justice!". He sows a small seed which, if not stopped, can grow into a really sore topic. Let’s call it the cactus. That issue, even though it originated from a soft place, turns in to a prickly hard outer layer designed to keep people out.

So what does a cactus look like? (you might ask) Well, it can be anger, resentment or bitterness for example. Strong emotions like these will always block peace, love and joy in our lives. The best thing is to deal with the plant as soon as it starts growing, because the longer it grows, the bigger, harder and pricklier it gets.

It might be that you have been hurt, abused, mocked, disrespected or offended by someone and this has resulted in pain, which in turn has evolved into a cactus of an emotion. It might be that the entire rest of your life is in perfect order and that the cactus isn’t even an identifiable feature in your life or maybe it has grown into a centre piece. No matter how big or small the issue is it will drag you down in some or other way if not dealt with properly.

You will have to sit down and be honest with yourself. Listen to your heart and find the root of the emotion. I’m sure that it won’t always be easy, as some roots have grown deeper into our hearts than others, but let’s sit with Jesus and ask Him to help us identify and forgive.

I heard Joyce Meyer once say: “Not forgiving someone is like constantly drinking poison and hoping the other person would die.” (she was physically abused during her entire childhood, so she knows what she’s talking about)

It really just is not worth it. It is a decision. So make a choice today to stop letting past issue or current issues drag you down and dictate who you are today and choose to forgive and move on, even if it takes a while. How cool is it that when you cut open some cacti, you find water inside! Be refreshed! Rid your heart of all unwanted weeds and allow the love, peace and joy that Jesus has for you fill your heart and overflow. What you want is to live in a space of constant freedom. Close the door every time you see a lie walk past, don't invite him in or even entertain him, he is only there to steal, kill and destroy and you were made to have life and have it abundantly!

“and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” (2 Cor 3:17)