Selfishness, you sneaky thing!

Oh the terrible evil! Let me make one thing clear first. There is a difference between selfishness and putting yourself first. In our lives we need to put ourselves first in certain areas to ensure that we are emotionally stable and healthy. We need to look after our bodies and our hearts, if we don't, then we'll lose a part of who we are and we would be less able to successfully support and help someone else. We become thinly spread and at the end drained, tired and unable to motivate ourselves or others. What you need to do to stay emotionally healthy will be different for each person and will need to be a discussion between you and the Holy Spirit.

Selfishness comes in when we put ourselves first at the expense of others. When we become self consumed and blinded to the needs of others. Selfishness is so sneaky, it creeps in so slowly and then before you know, it's all about me and in that moment you see yourself as the victim. If you recognize this behaviour, then a red light should be flashing.

As soon as you start seeing yourself as the victim, everyone else's actions will be amplified and any negative reaction from someone might be experienced as an attack. When selfishness increases, your grace for others start decreasing and soon patience and kindness go out the window. In short, selfishness does not make us more satisfied, it actually makes us unhappier, because it creates an insatiable desire which nothing and no one can still.

So how do we manage the fine line between selfishness and putting ourselves first? Let's ask God to help us define our boundaries clearly and prompt us when we overstep boundaries onto other peoples’ lives in selfishness. Imagine your life as a field, if you keep living on other peoples’ fields then you are stealing from them and being selfish, but if you keep letting others steal from you by allowing them to pitch their tents (needs, desires, opinions) on your field, then you are not looking after yourself enough and you might be burdened and too thinly spread. Ensure that you live comfortably on your field, allowing time for God, loved ones and lots of time to give, love and be loved.

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Have some fun!

Give yourself a break and have some fun! Give yourself a break from whatever keeps you busy, even if you are the one giving yourself a hard time. We can so often become slave drivers to ourselves, not allowing for mistakes to be made or sufficient time to rest.

We cannot be the best version of ourselves, if we do not look after ourselves. It is not selfish, it is our responsibility. We need to look after our bodies and emotional well being so that we can be the best version of ourselves at work, socially or to our families. Sometimes we care so much about work, other people, our kids or our spouses that we forget to take time out for ourselves. At the end we become drained and a terrible version of ourselves and in actual fact, we only have ourselves to blame.

It might seem selfish to you if you do something relaxing like read a book, go for coffee with a friend or watch a movie by yourself, but in actual fact you are just giving yourself the reboot needed to be the best version of yourself for the rest of the week. In this way you feel appreciated and loved by yourself. It is surprising how much love we can show other people, but how little we sometimes show to ourselves.

It sounds strange, but it's true. We need to show love to ourselves. You need to show yourself that you matter, that you are loved and appreciated. God made to you to live life and life to the fullest. This does not mean that life is just a constant party, but that rather that His joy is available to us in all circumstances. Take some time out and you will find that the joy of the Lord is your strength. Go and find some fun, whatever it means to you, and God will meet you there!

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Busy, busy, busy!

Today I was thinking of everything that I need to do tonight. I was thinking of maybe making a list and then also deciding how much work I should do tonight. This keeps my mind super busy. I keep thinking of this and that, this and that and which task is more important etc. I think I feel tired of just thinking of all the things I need to do!

While I was driving I reminded myself that I actually don't NEED to do all the things, I actually just WANT to do all the things. In the process of thinking, I get drained even before I start and then I feel less motivated to start everything which I didn't need to do, but wanted to do in the first place! Ha ha it's actually quite funny how easily we can overload ourselves in our minds without even doing a single thing!

Also while I was driving I spoke to God about all the things I "need" to do and asked Him to help me. Then I realised that I haven't even asked Him what HE wants me to do tonight? In actual fact I'm just placing pressure on myself. So blind! :) So during the rest of my journey home I decided to chat with Him about what He wants me to do and I immediately felt less pressured and more motivated to do the things He highlighted.

I guess when the Bible says: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.", it doesn't mean that I should do everything I want to do (and more) and then expect Him to tag along and give me strength while I burn myself out. :)

So yes, tonight has been quite relaxing actually, although I've been quite productive with Him. Being relaxed and at peace is a state of mind and is not dependent on the circumstances around you, even if you are super busy. Rather be busy with the things God wants you to do and His peace will be in your hearts and you will be relaxed. He knows which responsibilities you have with regards to work, family, friends etc. and He will lead you to finish all you need to do in His perfect timing. People often don't understand when I say that I'm relaxed at work (because my job is very demanding), but being in a relaxed and peaceful state with God keeps me focussed, friendly and calm through all the stressful situations. 

I have often heard people say that BUSY is short for Being Under Satan’s Yoke. Satan tries to keep us so busy that we burnout and lose all our peace and joy. He convinces us in our minds that everything is critical and that everything needs to be done NOW! I know that sometimes something needs to be treated as urgent and I have spent many nights at work working on deadlines, but in each one of those times God was with me and I did it with joy. I was even able to motivate and inspire others working with me. God has a plan all day and every day and He can even make a late night at work a blessed time. Be aware of Satan’s schemes, your time with God is the first thing which he wants to destroy. Ask that God will show you clearly which tasks to do first and ask Him to show you how to do everything to His glory with peace, love and joy.

Stressing out?

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It is so easy to get caught up in life, rushing from one point to the next. I realise that everybody is in a different place in their lives and yes there is a time to work and a time to play, but it’s so important to take time and breathe.

God didn’t need to rest on the 7th day, He has all the energy, He is energy, but he chose to rest and enjoy the creation which He has made. Sometimes I wonder why we think that working, rushing and being busy 7 days a week is normal. I think if God didn’t make sleep, then we would probably be busy 24 hours a day! I’m not saying that it’s not good to be busy and I’m not saying that our lives need to be perfectly balanced. I’m just saying that our lives need to be as balanced as God wants them to be. It’s important for us to listen to our bodies and to the Holy Spirit and to be honest with ourselves as to what limits we can or should push ourselves to.

I have been in seasons where I have worked up to 14 hours a day for weeks at a time and at that time I knew it was what God wanted me to do. No one would have said that it was a balanced few weeks, but God pulled me through late nights with great joy and peace and I still see the fruit of those seasons in my life today.

To me resting is not so much physically sitting and relaxing, but a state of mind. Knowing that everything you do is stress free with peace and joy and then there will be a sense of rest in your heart.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

We can live this life stress free and in rest if we learn to enter into His rest and to hand over our burdens to God. This does not mean that we sit around and do nothing, but rather that we continue going about our daily schedule, with perseverance, but without anxiety of what tomorrow might bring.

“Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?” Luke 12:24-26

“The Lord protects those of childlike faith;
    I was facing death, and he saved me.
Let my soul be at rest again,
    for the Lord has been good to me.” Psalm 116:6-7